my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drunk is not a location!
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