I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
