'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
