I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think people are normalizing furries
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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