just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm always down for nudity.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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