it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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