I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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