I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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