Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
