she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
