i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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