New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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