I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
