In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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