so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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