I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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