you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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