Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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