We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
