Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
