phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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