we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
