I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
