my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's like iHOP with fire
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
