Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
