Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize