Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
