What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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