Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
