i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
