apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
