More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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