so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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