I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
