now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
