i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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