I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I died a long time ago.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
