I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
