We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
