I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
