My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
