I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
