Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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