I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
