I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
