Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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