and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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