You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize