dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
