where am i from again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
