if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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