Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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