Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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