At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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