so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
