Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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