Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
