East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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