fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
