I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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