so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just invented taco cereal.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
