Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
