Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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