And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
