also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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