So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
