i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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