when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
