oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
