That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
