Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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